Is Your Career Full Of Relentless Obligation?

Most people who come to me for career help are corporate women professionals with over 10 years of experience. Every day she describes her job as out of control, busy, insane, overwhelming, frustrating, infuriating, and not worth it anymore. She knows she needs a change before she loses it.

She says she wishes she could stop working and live on a beach somewhere.

She feels resentful while putting in 10 and 12-hour days and flip-flops between thinking she isn’t doing enough and being angry that others aren’t doing more. She might get glowing feedback and thanks for her work, but she is really good at finding fault in herself. She worries that she is failing at her job or whether she is really cut out for this.

Some have been recently laid off after working really hard in their prior job. For them, their confidence is completely shaken by being let go, and they just don’t know what to do next.

The thing is that deep down, my clients all take pride in their hard work.

They know they are smart. They can tackle the hardest problems. They can handle multiple things at once like no one else can. They want to work, earn a living, and they have a strong desire to enjoy the work that they do (or at least not hate it). Deep down, they want more.

One client recently admitted to me that even when she goes on vacation to a lovely beach she dreams about, she still has difficulty sitting still and relaxing. She is always looking for the next thing that needs to be done. When it isn’t work-related, it’s about getting the best restaurant reservation, making the perfect dinner, and doing the thing that is the most fun. etc. etc. etc.

It’s heartbreaking to me that people feel this way.

I have felt that way myself, and I know how discouraging it is.

Through my almost 30 years of corporate work, 10 years of leadership, and recent years of coaching I have discovered three key skills that anyone needs to solve these problems.

Self-confidence, Performance, and Connection

The skill of self-confidence: This is the most important skill and often the most lacking. With this skill, you will trust that there is nothing you can’t handle and that even if you face a failure, you will be okay. You will be able to say no when someone asks you for something and not worry about it later. You will prioritize what is important to you and be able to let go of things that are not. You will stop beating yourself up.

The skill of managing your performance: When you have this skill, you will know your goals and have methods to determine if you are on track. You will know what’s important and have the skills to move forward by deciding on the next action, even if you don’t know how you will ultimately accomplish the goal. You will know exactly what to do when you think you have fallen behind. Finally, you will be able to pivot when circumstances change.

The skill of connection: When you have this skill, you will know how to work with others on their terms in a way that doesn’t allow anyone to diminish or take advantage of you. You will establish positive relationships with a broad group of people at your company, and you will be able to help them and lean on them for help. When there is a person that you do not necessarily get along with, you will be able to establish a professional relationship anyway while letting go of your differences and finding your common goals.

It is necessary to have all three skills in order to manage a joyful career and cure the relentless obligation that causes this kind of career suffering.

So when I meet someone for the first time, I listen to their story first. While I listen, I can usually pinpoint a need to strengthen skills in at least one of these three pillars. My clients and I work together to learn tools that can be applied immediately that will strengthen the weakest pillar. This can result in immediate improvement in how they feel about where they are at in their career. It opens the door to the next step.